Music & Musings: Oceans

I will be sharing a new series over here, called Music & Musings. This is where I take a song that I have heard and listened to and I analyze it in my own way. Sometimes the thoughts are more reflective in nature and other times they are creative, thinking through the people in the song. I never really know where they will go. I give myself 5 – 10 minutes to explore the song so I don’t go too far down a rabbit hole, but can get far enough in that it can elicit thought from others.

Tonight the song that has been running through my mind is “Oceans” by Hillsong United. You can listen to this version of here and then down below I share another version.

 

 

This song was one that led to me moving to Florida years ago. I can remember first listening to it and how the lyrics just hit me to the point of tears… you know how songs can just move you and hit that spot you have been holding back, even from yourself? I just listened to the lyrics of those first verses and my spirit began weeping.

You call me out upon the waters
The great unknown where feet may fail
And there I find You in the mystery
In oceans deep
My faith will stand
And I will call upon Your name
And keep my eyes above the waves
When oceans rise, my soul will rest in Your embrace
For I am Yours and You are mine
Songwriters: Joel Houston / Matt Crocker / Salomon Lighthelm
Oceans (Where Feet May Fail) lyrics © Songtrust Ave, Capitol Christian Music Group

 

I remember wondering, “What is going on?” I didn’t feel like I should be sad, but then I realized that since my divorce I had been living in the house WE picked, in the room WE designed, looking at colors on the wall that WE chose together. I felt like my life we still focused on the WE and I couldn’t move on. I was not living in faith but in this hope that the past would either come back or somehow mysteriously wash away and I’d just forget.

I started thinking about what God created me for and why I was here on this earth. My faith is so ingrained in me at this point that even when I am upset with God, I tend to run and put on worship music! So I thought about how I could put that faith to action and how I could allow Him to guide me to the next chapter in my journey.

 

Your grace abounds in deepest waters
Your sovereign hand
Will be my guide
Where feet may fail and fear surrounds me
You’ve never failed and You won’t start now
Songwriters: Joel Houston / Matt Crocker / Salomon Lighthelm
Oceans (Where Feet May Fail) lyrics © Songtrust Ave, Capitol Christian Music Group

That’s when the next set of verses really got me. “You’ve never failed me and You won’t start now”. Except at that time, I had felt like He failed me, much like I sometimes do now. He’d promised for years, or so I believed, that my marriage would be okay. That somehow we would find this love for one another and be able to make it work. But it didn’t. It fell apart and I didn’t even know it was happening because I was so blinded by my faith that it would be okay. Thirteen year old at bowling, six month old in hand, husband’s tail lights going down the street, and my future hanging over me like a big question mark… I really didn’t feel like God had come through that night or in the many nights that followed. In fact, if I am honest, I am still coming to terms with how His promises for my life are going to come true with where I am currently.

But back to this first time I heard the song and how I was crying because those lines hurt so deeply. Could I trust Him? Could I live a faith without borders when I felt like He had failed me?

So I will call upon Your name
And keep my eyes above the waves
When oceans rise, my soul will rest in Your embrace
For I am Yours and You are mine
Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders
Let me walk upon the waters
Wherever You would call me
Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander
And my faith will be made stronger
In the presence of my Savior
Songwriters: Joel Houston / Matt Crocker / Salomon Lighthelm
Oceans (Where Feet May Fail) lyrics © Songtrust Ave, Capitol Christian Music Group

 

And there it was, His hand guiding me and showing me that my faith would be made stronger as I walked with Him. In the year that would come, I would pack up my house, say “Goodbye” to all I know as life, and my little one and I would move 1200 miles down the East Coast to a town where we didn’t know many. We would have one of the best years of our lives and learn a lot about ourselves and who we are as a family. It was truly a year of stepping out beyond where my faith knew and into that place where only He could be leading.

I still struggle at times today, since we are back in CT and NOTHING has gone at all like planned, but I am thankful for all the internal healing and growth that has taken place, the reconciliation with family, and the hope that we will still see the promises fulfilled. Over the years, I have understood that God is not responsible for how I understand His promises but for what He intends them to mean. I understand now that He never promised He would heal my marriage but promised He would restore what had been taken from me, and that had nothing to do with my marriage and everything to do with a broken little girl inside me who was hurting all these years without any recognition. I am thankful to have had the time in Florida and this time since I have been back to allow her to heal and to finally come to a place where I don’t operate from a place of hurt (deficit) but from a place of wholeness and healing (overflow) that allows me to be there for others.

 

 

What borders do you need to go beyond so you can truly life out a faith without borders?

Until next time,

~Shell

 

 

 

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